Towards Paradise

                                                                          Inspired by: Paradise - ColdplayShe was mature but young.                                        When she was just a girlShe had her whole life.                                                She expected the worldBut life is too cruel and so                                   But it flew away from her reach soShe fell into an endless sleep.                                    She ran away in her sleepI hope she's in paradise because                               and dreamed of paradiseNow she only closes her eyes.                           Every time she closed her eyes.
Our lives go on and it hurts so much                          Life goes on, it gets so heavyBecause she was so innocent and fragile.               The wheel breaks the butterflyAnd now all we do is cry.                                             Every tear a waterfallAnd when I sleep, I dream of her flying.              In the night the stormy night she'llFlying like an angel, but flying away from us                       close her eyesTowards paradise.                                                In the night the stormy night                                                                                  away she'd fly.                                                                                                                                   And dream of paradise. 
"Paradise" by Coldplay has quickly become my favorite song nowadays. When it comes on the radio, my friends nudge me and say "Rafi's song is on." But, what they don't know is how much the lyrics mean to me. As you can tell, the words of my poem and the lyrics of the song kind of sync up. You can tell, line-by-line they're pretty similar. I love listening to this song, but I can't do it without thinking about a certain someone. When I hear this song, I'm guaranteed to remember her. 
I should be happy she's in heaven and although Coldplay's song has a happy theme, I can't hold back my sadness. I really can't. It reminds me too much of how young she was and how much she meant to me and the people close to me. It has just devastated all of us. I remember her family crying. I remember her friends crying. I remember myself crying. I think of the fun times we spent together. The smile on her face. But most of all, it makes me think that she can't really be gone. It tells me that deep down, I haven't fully accepted that she's gone.  And now, in my heart, this song will forever be "her" song. 

The Arousal of Enthusiasm

Have you ever felt the need, the impulse, to do something great? Have you ever felt a spark of inspiration ignite, sometimes rekindle, a fire in your heart? I often get these inspirations from the smallest stimuli in my life. As a child, though, I had very little imagination. I couldn't play with toys, I didn't have an imaginary best friend, and I couldn't even draw, although it was my favorite thing in the world.

I liked to draw a lot as a child. At one point, my all time favorite job in the world was to be an artist for Walt Disney. I'd grab a pencil and paper, enthusiastic to draw something interesting... but nothing would come. I was lost. I felt like someone needed to tell me what to create. Anything I drew came from cartoons... none of it was mine. My mom was proud of my drawings. She'd often brag to her friends that I drew for hours and made many works of art. I, on the other hand, knew all too well that most of those hours were spent doing nothing. It consisted of me staring at a blank piece of paper. Whatever I did draw didn't impress me. I quickly gave up on my dream.

I didn't know how people could create new or amazing things. I felt as if there was a meeting that every human being had been invited to and I was left out. I personally think it was television and video games that stripped me of my imagination. I can't remember a time when I didn't have television shows to watch and video games to play. My brain became a limp muscle, incapable of squeezing out profound thoughts. I was too young to realize I needed inspiration.

Today, I am a young man driven by inspiration. Often times, the only time I write on my blog anymore is when I'm inspired. Something will happen in my life and my eyes will grow wide and I'll think, "Hey, that'll be interesting to talk about..." It's the same with my music. I taught myself how to play guitar, but I'm mediocre. Sometimes, I'll hear an interesting song and I'll want to duplicate it. I'll pick up my guitar, I'll search online for the tabulature or notes and I'll practice it intensely until it sounds good to me.

It's too bad that the inspiration dies out though. There is obviously no schedule to my blog posts. I'm not a daily or weekly or monthly writer. I write when I'm inspired. I play my guitar when I'm inspired. I work out when I'm inspired. And when I'm not inspired... I stop. I get bored. My blog died because I wasn't consistent with my posts. My body has physically become worn out because I don't exercise regularly. There's one or two drafts saved on my blog account that I haven't finished. There are about ten songs I haven't finished learning on my guitar. I might be able to play a half-assed intro to some of them but that's about it. There might be only one or two songs I completely learned, but I've forgotten even those. It's because I haven't touched the poor instrument in months. Sometimes, I can even feel how sad my guitar is that I never play her.

I need inspiration to do certain things in my life. Otherwise, I'm content with what I do and how I live and that's not necessarily a good thing. If I'm content then how will I aspire to become better? That is why I find inspiration in my daily life. Engineering is such an interesting topic, I feel giddy sometimes when I think about working in the field. I know I'll do great with my engineering career because the subject itself inspires me to learn more about it. Seeing other people stronger than myself inspires me to work out (it might also be jealousy). Sometimes, just holding my guitar is enough for me to want to become a better musician. Having a constant stream of inspiration allows me to stay on top of my game.

I don't know about the rest of you, but I love the feeling of having inspiration. The excitement, the adrenaline, the focus. I feel like little Charlie and I have the Golden Ticket in my hands. Maybe it's because of my imagination-less childhood, but when I come up with something (or think I came up with something) that I can share with others, I just feel pumped up. My friends, my family, my girlfriend. They all push me to become better. Without them, I'd just be a boring guy playing video games all day.

"Enthusiasm is excitement with inspiration, motivation, and a pinch of creativity." - Bo Bennett

The Tale

Distant lands, distant countries away. Across oceans and rivers of perilous danger. Past the green orchards and luscious valleys. Alongside the borders of a mysterious and dark swamp. Traversed against a mountain overlooking the sea, a bright castle stands. It majestically towers against the mountain as if the two are one. A beautiful and intricate garden is displayed within the grounds walls. Statues of heroic men and women stand proudly. The sun paints the gravel walkway with a beautiful spectrum as its rays mix with the colored glass windows. 

There is commotion all around. Nobleman, worker, and peasant all mingle together in this grand environment. A sight such as this is rare elsewhere, but not here. There is excitement in the air and no sign of sorrow or discontent is found within the hearts of these people. All are prepared for grand festivities and merriment for a great blessing has taken place. The queen has bore a second son. A quick and natural birth. No flaws, no complications. The mother holds her son with love. Her husband walks in with their eldest son. The little 3 year-old curiously looks at the baby. All four become one. At that moment, the king is not a king, but a father. The queen is not a queen, but a mother. The boy is not a prince, but a brother. They all accept him as the final member of their family. 

The baby was born into royalty. A great honor. He grew healthy and strong, curious and adventurous. He couldn't understand danger and death at that age. He would scamper about and declare himself the hero of the land. He'd chase the birds and tug on the long vines growing on the outer wall. But, when it came to people, he was incredibly shy. He'd hide behind his older brother or run into his mother's arms. But, he was quick to forget his shyness. He cared more about what he would do next. Whether he'd attack the fish in the pond or make a wooden sword. His mother often sent his older brother after him. She'd tell him that if he were to be king one day, he would have to be able to protect the ones he loved. The prince was responsible, even at that young age. He was more than willing to protect his younger brother, even if it meant losing the fun he could be having.

The two brothers would travel around the castle grounds daily. Always finding something to do, always having their own fun. They were too young and unaware of what was actually happening in the castle. All they ever worried about was tomorrow's adventure and not upsetting their mother. Whether she was queen or not, they felt she was too strict on them. Always deciding what they wore, what they ate, how they behaved. What they didn't know was that she was under pressure far worse than they could ever imagine.

Her father-in-law, the previous king, still lived in the castle with them. Although he was no longer king, he made sure to maintain his power. He still had domination over his son, and therefore the kingdom. The queen saw his tyranny and fought back as often as she could. She would have long talks with her husband about running the kingdom on his own. Sometimes he listened, and sometimes... he'd give up. The previous king was an old man now, weak and bitter. His paranoia of invaders scared the king, making him exhaust much of their needed wealth on an army and their training. The people were clamoring for food, shelter, and aid. The kingdom needed much help, but no help came from the monarchy. The queen foresaw trouble. She urged her husband to stop his mindless expansion of the royal army so they can take care of their people. The king could not decide. Without any confidence in himself, and torn between his father and his wife, he did nothing.

The two princes played on each day. They'd often see their mother and father argue. They'd often see their mother cry. Although she was strict, they were more attached to her. They couldn't see their father often. Royal duties prevented them from ever spending time with him. The previous king began taking an interest in these children. It seemed he was already planning on securing his power with the next kings. The queen, who kept a close eye on her children, noticed his presence. She saw the malicious intent in his eyes.

Each day, he'd come closer to the children. He began speaking to them, spreading the spore of his ideas into their growing minds. The older prince was 5 or 6 but knew right from wrong. He rejected his grandfather's beliefs and ran with his younger brother to his mother. He explained to her what had happened. The mother became furious. She stormed out of the royal palace to look for her father-in-law. But, he was already nearby. Hiding in castle's darkness, he would have to resort to another plan. He unsheathed a dagger and hid it under cloak. If the king-to-be was not going to cooperate, he'd eliminate him and continue his plans with the younger prince.

He walked over, unnoticed by either boy. He held his dagger in his sweaty, boney hands. He hesitated. What humanity he had reminded him that this was his flesh and blood. He ignored his pesky, weak thoughts and grew confident in his evil plan once again. He smiled and struck down. Four bodies crashed together on the floor. Before his dagger killed the prince, the mother dove at them. She was so afraid, almost paralyzed with fear when she saw him standing over her children. Her love for her children allowed her to move. They were her world. The wretched old man was hurt. She took his dagger and her children and went immediately to the king. She gave his dagger to the king and told him what had happened. The danger that had come to his family made the king more confident than he'd ever been. He knew what had to be done.

The king spoke to his father in private. Furious with what he was doing to his children he banished him from the castle. He'd be far from the royal family and could no longer pose a danger to them. The king finally realized what had to be done. He now knew how horrible and evil his father was. He hugged his boys and kissed his wife. He promised them a brighter future. 

The next morning. The king was found dead. Medical experts said he died peacefully in his sleep. The queen was broken. She could not believe what had happened. The kingdom's bright new future was all but just a dream now. They were so close to a new beginning. The queen locked up the castle grounds. She told all her servants, all the merchants and workers to leave. 

She remained in her bedroom, alone, for a week. She cried. Endlessly. Her children were oblivious of the king's death. All they knew was that there was no one around and nothing to do anymore. She came out of her room a week later. All the burdens of running and ruling a kingdom were now hers. Her children were far too young to take the thrown. She'd have to do this for her children. For her world.

Years passed. Each day the queen was tortured by the burdens of the crown. It was never her place to be. She remained strong for her children. They were her only hope. Throughout the years, reading document after document. Law after law. She realized all of the tyranny her father-in-law did, much of which she had never knew. She changed it all. She spoke with intellectuals and bribed them any way she could. She needed their help to fix this kingdom.

Years passed. The boys were now men. They were both learning of the world. The kingdom was much better off now. Their mother had turned the kingdom around and although there was still much to be done, hope filled the air once more. With two capable princes and a brand new kingdom, a bright future could once again be seen. The queen sent her children around the world. She told them to learn from everyone and everything. From peasant and kings. From intellectuals and children. To be great kings they must know about the world. 

Living alone in her castle, she slowly became sick. Sick mentally and physically. She was old now. She said nothing to her children. They continue traveling the world, learning for their mother's sake. She had explained all the evil that their father and grandfather did. She told them of the kingdom's need for a king. It could not be held together by a queen such as herself. Now men, the princes were passionate about saving their mother and the kingdom from collapse. Each prince took their own path. They agreed to learn at their own pace, in different ways.

The older prince did well. He was responsible and diligent, but he realized the road he took was difficult. He came close to death several times. Thirst and starvation took their toll. He needed to work in order to continue his journey. He survived for his family's and his kingdom's sake. He exhausted his supplies and started anew, as if a peasant. He worked hard. He worked for long hours. He took jobs around the world. His name grew. He became a master of all trades. He fell in love with a princess along the way. He spent much time in her kingdom. He was eager to learn from her father, the king, but could not. This kingdom was in danger too. Inner turmoil and a split royal family created a very weak rule over the kingdom. This kingdom would be his new goal. Before his own kingdom, he would help this one. He vowed to marry the princess once he could get her kingdom to stand on its own.

The younger brother was unsure. When he began his journey, he could not decide where to go. Inspired by his brother, he knew he had to make a decision and quickly. He could not let his older brother finish his journey before him. He had taught himself horseback riding, something his older brother never got around to do. He traveled far, learning the customs of the kingdoms and villages around his own. He found a beautiful woman of royal lineage in one of the kingdoms. He loved being with her. Her knowledge and understanding of the world was remarkable. And she never failed to make him laugh. He wanted to stay with her always, but his journey pulled him away. He vowed to return when he learned more. 

The young prince learned politics, he learned of the villagers trouble. He learned of ways to govern. He learned of perfection and imperfection. But, throughout his journey he never forgot the beautiful woman. He returned several months later to the kingdom of the beautiful woman. Once again the two were merry. He told of his travels, the people he met, the knowledge he had acquired. They discussed philosophy together for hours. When morning came, he had to leave again. He couldn't stay in one place. There was a whole world out there. He knew there was much more to learn.

He heard of his older brother's name spreading far and wide. He became happy yet envious. With his spark to learn rekindled, he traveled farther than he had before. No longer shy or afraid of venturing too far, he discovered new tales and new stories. Stories of kings and queens, emperors and civilizations. He learned of their rise and fall. He learned of corruption and selfless charity.

 He saw life. He couldn't explain it, but he knew the world. He knew there was endless knowledge, but he felt ready. He returned to the beautiful woman's kingdom. He looked into her eyes and saw what he felt. He saw life. He saw beauty and knowledge and life. He loved her.

With his princess, he traveled to a new kingdom. A famous kingdom of happiness and peace. The kingdom his brother saved. The people were fed and sheltered and happy. The noblemen were satisfied and loyal. It was truly remarkable. The young prince and his princess rode into the palace. He saw his older brother. He witnessed his older brother's marriage. Together they rode home. After years of traveling, years of learning. Two princes, with their princesses, returned to their home.

Their kingdom was no better than when they left it. The queen was on the verge of death. She had lived her life, she had raised her princes, and she has prepared her kingdom for glory. The two princes arrived to their mother. Seeing her children as they are now, she was finally happy. All the torture, all the stress, everything she had ever done in her life meant nothing because she knew in her heart it was all worth it. She used her life to make two boys. Two men. Two men ready for the world. They had chosen wonderful companions and had become the men she had always dreamed for them to become. Nothing else in the world mattered to her. She died peacefully and, with her last breath, she thanked the heavens.

The kingdom mourned her. The princes knew what their mother had done for them. Every fiber in their body was ready. With no hesitation, the two took the throne. They ruled together with their queens. No anger, no vengeance, no jealousy. Everything was simple. Their mother had prepared everything for their reign. With their mother's blessing, the final push was made. They created a perfect kingdom. All the trouble, all the evil that took place before them was made right. They took on the burden of their family and they made it into greatness. 

They were happy. They were in love. They lived for each other. They were smart and brave and ready to make a difference. The mother's sacrifice created this perfect kingdom. The kings too sacrificed what they had for their children. They passed on their knowledge and their story. In this way, the kingdom's glory remained forever and the mother's sacrifice became eternal. 

Balancing Bliss

We build our lives around what makes us happy. We move away from or change things in our life that don't make us happy. The things we're all looking for: money, home, a place to fit in. They're all for happiness. The value of anything comes from the happiness it gives us. Every actions stems from our need for happiness. Break down every reason you have to do something and the very root of its purpose will be happiness.

Some people need immediate happiness. They live life in the moment, not simply by enjoying the world around them but by chasing each opportunity. By skipping homework and playing video games. By skipping lunch and eating dessert.  By ignoring the street light and chasing the ball. Eager to experience the best in the world, they chase the happiness in life that comes at face value. They miss the deeper happiness in life and often end up hurting themselves.

Other people plan for future happiness. They sacrifice their happiness in the present for the hope of happiness in the future. It may seem more mature, but it's just as flawed. Eagerly chasing their goals, they lose the time they have in their youth. Many of them work and never find happiness, making all they ever worked for worthless. They lose the happiness that many of us take for granted in our everyday life.

Neither extreme is effective. Have a balance in life. Plan ahead for your happiness, but take the time to enjoy what you have in the present. Sometimes, it's better to sacrifice the happiness in the moment to ensure happiness in the future. Taking the time to study, for example. You give up happiness in the present by studying, but it's for the greater good of having a future you can be happy in. That studying will get you your dream job and the financial stability so that money will never be a problem. In contrast, it's good to take time off to do what makes you happy. Constantly investing your happiness will leave you dry, inhuman, and unhealthy. Find your balance. Cram as much happiness as you can in your life, both for the present and the future.

Stop yourself from being lazy. Open your eyes to the bigger picture of life. You're going to die one day, might as well be as happy as you can. Take the happiness of others into consideration too. Their happiness will become your happiness as well. Don't let immediate gratification cloud your judgement though. Don't let investments rule your life either. Be smart and decide for yourself what balance works best.

It is very important to generate a good attitude, a good heart, as much as possible. From this, happiness in both the short term and the long term for both yourself and others will come. - Dalai Lama

Spiraling Down

The downward spiral. One of the most powerful forces to exist on Earth. It can happen mentally, it can happen physically, and it can happen emotionally. It's the worst case scenario when you, yourself, are bringing yourself down. Almost literally digging your own grave. Its twisted spiral gives the illusion of infinite descent and endless torment. It's the perfect Hell.

All of us have, at one point, found ourselves spiraling down. Anything can start it. "Waking up on the wrong side of the bed" is a common one, but it can be anything. A word, an implication, a realization. But, no matter how small it starts, it always grows. It sits in your mind and festers. One thought leads to another and then to another until you're slowly draining your own life away.

Why does this happen? It's because of our weaknesses. It's because we're afraid. Afraid that we aren't good enough. Afraid that we'll never change. Afraid that everything will be permanent. That no matter what we do, it'll never go away. We feed ourselves these lies until it does become true. Until we turn ourselves into our own nightmares. Until all our senseless fears turn into realities.

How do we stop this malignant force? It's simple. One simple act. One simple thought. One simple smile. Everything has to start somewhere. All it takes is the courage to make the simplest of gestures. I found myself questioning my worth, questioning my intelligence, questioning who I was. And then, for no reason at all, I decided to smile. That smile changed everything. It's impossible to think negative thoughts when you're smiling. You can't help but be optimistic. That smile saved me.

It's funny how the small things affect us most. How they can torture you and, at the same time, save you. Don't forget the small things. The small things make us different, make us unique. Appreciating them makes you happier. It puts things into perspective. Focus on the small things, and the rest will come.


"Remember, there's no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end." -Scott Adams. 

The Car Ride Home

"The day isn't long enough,"

He thought in the car.

And that's not a bluff,

Not by far. 

He had a great day

And that's about it.

He had nothing to say, 

Not even a little bit. 

He stared through the glass

At the bright city.

And although it was crass,

He felt it was a pity.

That such a great day would end,

It must be a sin.

It felt like pretend

As he stared out again.

She gave him life, 

She gave him joy.

There was no strife, 

Although she looked coy.

He glanced at her

But didn't say a word.

She looked light as a feather

Fallen from a bird.

Her beauty was endless,

Her voice was magnificent.

He didn't want to press,

But he needed to hint.

He needed her so bad,

It felt like a shame.

To end the day so sad,

Would be pretty lame.

Every day with her was amazing,

But this one especially,

Deserved a lot of praising,

To be given whole-heartedly. 

The dreaded time came.

The car screeched to a halt.

There was no one to blame,

But the girl he did exalt. 

When the time came to leave,

She didn't say a word.

But what he did receive,

Didn't need to be heard. 

He felt her embrace

As she held on tightly.

He felt his heart race

And ever so rightly. 

Their feelings broke through.

They were being held dormant.

They were now being true.

They were alone for that moment.

They didn't need to look any more. 

They closed their eyes.

They couldn't feel the floor,

They were up in the skies.

Their lips pressed together,

It was their final kiss.

They held it forever, 

In eternal bliss.

A Proper Prayer

It's late at night. I walked through the dark hallway of my house leading up to my room. I brushed my teeth and took off my contacts. I blindly made my way to my bed and jumped in. I felt every muscle in my body relax. I looked up at the white ceiling. I wanted to sleep but I had one last thing to do. I sat up, closed my eyes,  and slapped my hands together. It was time to pray.

There are three steps to saying a proper prayer. In no particular order:

Step 1: Asking for forgiveness. Name all, or most, of the bad things you did. If you forget about some then you can just say "...and I'm sorry about the ones i forgot too." It's not as easy as it sounds. You have to actually mean it. This isn't just to make yourself feel better, though. You can find out a lot about yourself at this step. This is a good time to just step back and observe yourself. Just start listing all the things that you do that would disappoint God. I guarantee you, they're the same things that make you feel bad inside. Whether it's something you need to get off your chest or a part of your life that you want to fix, this step will reveal what it is. But, no cheating! No making excuses, no skipping the small stuff. List everything and be truthful to yourself.

Step 2: Expressing gratitude. Name all, or most, of the things you are grateful for. If you forget about some then you can just say "...and I'm thankful for the ones i forgot too." This is a great time to appreciate everything. List everything that makes you happy. Everything that makes you YOU. Even the bad stuff because, hey, it COULD be worse. I start by saying how thankful I am to be alive. I continue to my warm bed, the food I eat, the water I drink, my family, etc. Think about everything. When you get right down to it, we should be thankful for almost everything. Your health, your happiness, your family, your friends. Believe it or not, we're all blessed to have what we have.

Step 3: The Core. This is probably the most important part of the prayer to understand. The above two are straightforward which is why I saved this for last. What exactly do you want? Many people have the wrong idea about this. They ask for things they can't be given. Money, fame, happiness. God doesn't give these things. You have to earn them. People have the power to accomplish anything they want. I bet 90% of all the things you ask for can be earned with a bit of hard work. Now, what you CAN ask for is help. God won't give you an A+ on that test tomorrow, but he CAN give you the energy to study. He won't make the girl you like love you, but he CAN create the opportunity for you to talk to her. But, you have to be open to everything. Don't waste opportunities with the mindset that "God will do it for me". Do everything you have the opportunity to do. Be open to your surroundings. Don't isolate yourself. If you really want something, then you will receive help. It's just a matter of taking advantage of the help that's presented to you.

"People want me to do everything for them. What they don't realize is they have the power. You want to see a miracle, son? Be the miracle. " -Bruce Almighty